Turn, Turn, Turn

As the weather warms and spring approaches, I am reminded of other cycles in our lives.

Often I hear from couples who say, I just don’t feel the love for him/her that I once did.

I hear this primarily from young couples.

Those older, established marriages that are a commodity, grin at these statements.  “Yeah, that happens.” 

It is a season.

Just like the earth, our marriages have seasons. 

Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages also has a book on this topic.

Gary introduces seasons in marriage as:

Hopeful (Spring), Satisfied (Summer), Distant (Fall), and Unsettled (Winter)

These reoccur throughout marriage just like our earthly seasons of spring, summer, fall and winter.  The advantage with marital seasons, however is that you can work to decrease occurrences and length of fall and winter.

Just as we generally know the weather patterns with earthly seasons, we can become aware of indicators in each marital season and learn to navigate effectively. 

If you desire to understand marital seasons and you need strategies, I recommend Gary Chapman’s book, The Four Seasons of Marriage.

For those of you who don't enjoy or have time for reading, below is a chart of the seasonal qualities Gary mentions in the first chapters of his book.

As always, reach out for help when you get stuck.

	Spring	Summer	Fall	Winter
Emotions	Exciting, joyful, hopeful	Happy, satisfied, accomplished	Fearful, discouraged, resentful, unappreciated	Rejected, hurt, lonely
Attitudes	Optimistic, grateful, loving	Trust, striving for growth, comfortable	Concern, uncertainty, blaming	Negative, frustrated, hopeless, numb
Action	Planning, communicating, nurturing	Constructive communication, acceptance of differences, continued education in marriage	Neglect, failure to deal with problems	Blaming, destructive, critical, physical
Climate	New beginnings, focused on the future, caring, intimate	Supportive, understanding, relaxed, sense of togetherness, intimate	Disengaged, focused on self	Volatile, bitter, detached

*based on Gary Chapman’s Four Seasons of Marriage

Into Me You See

Often in relationships we find ways to protect ourselves.

We may have history of painful relationships and safeguard from reoccurrence.

We may have been hurt in a current relationship and cope in defense mode.

And as we look at our relationships and marriages, we realize we are not connecting.

We do not communicate well, do not spend quality time together and do not trust.

Our wall of protection is built brick by brick with anger, anxiety, depression, addictions, and distorted beliefs.

This is what we allow others to see-only the surface.

The person behind the wall is who we really are.

We may occasionally peak over our protective boundary, allowing others to catch a glimpse of us.  But as a rule, we hide behind our wall, isolated.  

Healthy relationships involve intimacy.

Healing includes tearing down your wall and developing intimate relationships.

Intimacy= Into me you see

Who do you allow to see you?

If you need help tearing down your wall, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.

This is Where the Healing Begins

If we open our eyes to what we do not want to see surrounding us...

People are struggle to find acceptance and love.

Individuals are weighted by guilt, unable to forgive.

Spouses are strangers.

Children are consumed by so much pain that they inflict harm upon themselves just to feel in control.

We have all experienced pain.  We all need someone on whom we can depend.

Where do you turn?

Friends and family can be great resources.

Counselors provide a safe and welcoming haven for healing.

Churches offer environments and teach application of the word.

And there is Jesus!

He is the perfect parent and best friend.

He is the Mighty Counselor and Ultimate Healer.

He is the Word.

Reach out to your family and friends.

Seek counselors and community for assistance.

Turn to Jesus continuously for he is the source of healing.

When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret and anchored there… As soon as they got out of the boat, people recognized Jesus… They ran throughout that whole region and carried the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was… And wherever he went—into villages, towns or countryside—they placed the sick in the marketplaces. They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed. (Mark 6:53-56)