Just As You Are

“What is wrong with me?! “

Have you ever found yourself asking that question?

We often struggle from rejection by assuming the problem lies in our behavior, appearance, sexual appeal, personality or other qualities. We think, “The reason I am hurting and where I am today is my fault.”

This is where a little rational emotive therapy may come in good use.  We basically ask, is this statement rational or logical?  For example:

Is it the fault of the child who was abandoned by its parents? 

Is there something wrong with the girl who never received a hug? 

Those seem easy, right?  It is certainly not the fault of the children. But those who were abandoned in their youth may not see these questions easily answered.

Or what about the woman whose husband chooses pornography over intimacy with his wife?

Is there something wrong with the wife?  Those of us who have a good friend in this situation may quickly speak up and say something like-“Heck, no!”  She is a knock out.  That guy is completely off his rocker.”

But, guess what.  That is often not what the wife thinks or feels.  Some of her biggest struggles now lie in her self-worth and self-image.  

And after work toward accepting that some thoughts are not rational, there remains an additional lingering question that cuts to the heart of the issue.

Who will love me for who I am?

I want to encourage you to check out JJ Heller and her song, “What Love Really Means” in reference to this question.

Sometimes, the right music can be the best therapy.

Fortress of Solitude

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."  Mark 6:31

At times many of us have difficulty describing how we feel.  Some are careful not to use labeling words such as depressed or anxious.  These are words that are just a little too intimate or scary.

What we do find easy to say is "I am stressed!"  Stress seems universal.

Life can be pretty overwhelming.  (You may be thinking I am not sharing anything new with you.)  

What do you do to handle stress?  

What are your methods of self-care?  

As counselors, we can spew off a variety of ways we know to assist in reducing stress.  We may tell you to exercise, practice in relaxation techniques, journal, take a vacation, go to bed earlier, and so on.

The Ultimate Counselor has another method of self-care that He himself used when He took the form of man.  Even Jesus, the Living God, got overwhelmed-but it is what he did that was key.

Jesus deliberately sought solitude.  He found a quiet place to be with the Heavenly Father, to abide and to listen. 

He was often distracted from the time He planned to pray.  But, when done with what threw a kink in His day (we all have those), He completed what He knew to be essential.  (Mark 6:32-46)

If even Jesus needed to set aside time with God to maintain equilibrium...

Maybe time with God should be at the top of our self-care list.

After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. (Mark 6:46)

On What Do You Meditate?

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8 


Recently my 10 month old son had a high fever.  It was a terrible experience and he cried in discomfort.  His fever remained high for 3 days. When it finally subsided and I was relieved; he still was not happy.  He continued to cry and I could not figure out what was wrong.  So, thinking I must be missing something, I took him back to the doctor.  Everything checked out.  He was on the mend.  So why was he still crying?  The doctor told me I would have work over the next few days to reinforce positive behaviors and get him back on task of expressing his needs without crying.  


Simply put, he was stuck in miserable mode. 


I can relate to being stuck in miserable mode. In fact, it is easy to remain focused on the bad in our lives and forget the many good things right in front of us.  


We don't want to look at what is positive.  


We want to wallow and sulk because sometimes we just feel entitled.  Sometimes we forget how to switch gears.  And, once we are down, it is hard to get back up and even harder to do it on our own.


In Philippians, Paul instructs the church at Philippi to meditate.  Now this is a word that almost all of us will accept in today's time.  It means to train the mind to be in a mode of consciousness in order to realize a benefit. 


What if we were to train our minds to focus on the list Paul has given?  


What if we meditated on what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely and worthy of praise?  


What would be the benefits?